Monday, November 30, 2009

.I'm depressed.

or maybe bitter. No a combo of both..honestly I have been depressed for the past two years…well almost two years….two years in January would make me extra depressed…my first actual real relationship really wasnt a relationship at all…yeah we so called commited..we had a day…but it was all built on lies..and bullshit…no one really knows how I hurt I was and still am…he may know I was hurt..but honestly its not that I want him…I just don’t want whats best for him. So therefore I never loved him…and I know a lot of you are probably like oh yeah right who can be depressed for two years….I have..That whole relationship was so unhealthy..lies on top of lies I felt like I lost a piece of me in that whole thing and not because he left..but because I had slowly started to lose my self-worth…being in “love” I like to call it being insane makes you do stupid things..no not real healthy genuine love..but that stupid ill call up the other woman cuss her out…check out his facebook stupid crazy “love”. Honestly I can say I have found interest in some dudes over the two years but honestly I don’t think I am ready to get down to the better deal of dealing with another…being bitter sucks..and it sucks so much out of you. I really can’t wait until I get to the point of just being by and by..I really thought I was but then he reappeared in my life…and it was just like two years ago..being in[sane]”love”. What’s up with him you ask? 21 and onto his second baby mother…other child just barely turned 2. yes he had a secret family and all….UGH.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Well that is sane if I ever heard it........sounds like you have some story mixed up, and not getting it. Maybe you can take this "person" back to where they belong, and trying to play the director here. You can't have it both ways!! Sounds mixed up to me and sounds like you are making all the decisions here.