.I'm depressed.

or maybe bitter. No a combo of both..honestly I have been depressed for the past two years…well almost two years….two years in January would make me extra depressed…my first actual real relationship really wasnt a relationship at all…yeah we so called commited..we had a day…but it was all built on lies..and bullshit…no one really knows how I hurt I was and still am…he may know I was hurt..but honestly its not that I want him…I just don’t want whats best for him. So therefore I never loved him…and I know a lot of you are probably like oh yeah right who can be depressed for two years….I have..That whole relationship was so unhealthy..lies on top of lies I felt like I lost a piece of me in that whole thing and not because he left..but because I had slowly started to lose my self-worth…being in “love” I like to call it being insane makes you do stupid things..no not real healthy genuine love..but that stupid ill call up the other woman cuss her out…check out his facebook stupid crazy “love”. Honestly I can say I have found interest in some dudes over the two years but honestly I don’t think I am ready to get down to the better deal of dealing with another…being bitter sucks..and it sucks so much out of you. I really can’t wait until I get to the point of just being by and by..I really thought I was but then he reappeared in my life…and it was just like two years ago..being in[sane]”love”. What’s up with him you ask? 21 and onto his second baby mother…other child just barely turned 2. yes he had a secret family and all….UGH.

I'm back :)

Hello Bloggers,
I'm back and I know no one missed me ;-)
Its been a while mainly cause well Ive been so busy
Tumblr was easy, just a bunch of reblogging
but here you have to actually WRITE
you have to feel what you write
or you can waste your time copying and pasting pic links and shit.
So much has happened since my birthday:
-I got a job
-I actually like my job
-I am planning to move so I can start school in San Francisco
And yet some things have remained the same:
-Struggling to attain peace of mind
-Depressed...
-Over a lot of people in my life.
I am in love with the movie 500 Days Of Summer
watch it almost everyday
I am on a mission to lose 50 pounds
and I am on a mission to save money
which I am having a very hard time doing :-/
needless to say I've been wanting to come
back to you blogger for a long time...but
I got so caught up, you know how you want to write but don't know what to write
that's how I feel most days. I come on here and read others blogs and leave.
But I'm back and lets just say I am ready
I am open.
Follow me on my peace of mind journey :)
-Poetic.Justice