I have the worse sleeping habits.
No matter how hard I try I can’t sleep a full 8 hours at night.
I can in the afternoon though…
I try but I constantly find myself waking up at 4am and contemplating my life.
I can see it in their eyes, see how they look, they think I’m a failure…don’t you hate
that you think the most at night….A restless mind gets no sleep, and my mind is
never resting..always thinking about the what if’s and the what now’s…..Yet I keep
on a pasted and fake smile because truthfully I think everyone is tired of hearing
me complain. So I listen…and keep my thoughts to myself…finding myself talking
to my self at 4 in the morning…beating my self up. They say the grass is always
greener on the other side….I think so….Cause I look at everyone else and feel
they are doing so much better than I. Even people who are in the same “boat” as
I…do so much better than me. I look at it this way …..You’re either moving or
standing still. When you stand still life moves all around you…you’re just there..
no progression…just the same old same old, but if you’re moving even if its just
little steps..its better than nothing, cause even with small steps you’re going some
where. I have went from running, to walking, to a slow pace, to just a stand still.
Looking at everyone move. And I am standing still. Awake, Aware, Alert. &
Standing still…..All that stops right here.
